I'm waiting to hear that my sister is dead

My sister has been attempting and considering suicide for almost a year now.  For that same year, my family has been crippled.  We flinch when the phone rings.  We tentatively ask if anyone has heard from this sister recently.  We avoid talking too much about the future since we're not sure (more than ever) what it holds.  My husband sits beside me quietly as I sob in anger and frustration over the fact that we're having to live like this.  That I am having to live like this.  That my parents are having to live like this.  That she is suffering this much.

And what can I say to this sister who believes that she is unlovable?  I've told her that that is not true. I've listened as she's cried only to get off the phone and sob myself.  One of the things that she says makes life more bearable for her is to have company but I can't quit my job and my marriage to babysit her in a city that's far from my own home.  I've visited her since all this started and she does better (so she says) and I come home a wreck.

How much is she supposed to bear?  How much can I bear?  I hate that I can't yell at her and tell her that not only is she fuc%ing up her own life she's fuc%ing up her family's life as well.  I get that mental illness is a terrible, terrible thing.  I even understand that she has had to deal with some of life's toughest hardships at a ridiculously young age BUT if you fought so hard to overcome those things, why end it?  What were you fighting for?  What were we cheering you on for?

I can't imagine what she's going through and to be honest, I don't want to.  I just wish that I, or someone else, knew how to reach out to her in a way that she could hear or that would make a difference.

If/when this happens, it will BREAK my mother.  I'm not sure how the rest of us will be able to handle it either.

Pray, please.