You Know You're Not Quite Right When...
...you find yourself using the following phrases:
1 - "He's the coolest cat of the cool cats" (someone actually said this...it was followed by several seconds of absolute silence)
2-"Reality Steve said (insert anything that Reality Steve may have said about the Bachelor here)"
3-"The movie doesn't start for several minutes? That's fine, I have a book in my purse."
4-"I spent the entire weekend in bed" (this phrase alone is not something that's pathetic unless you know -and the people you're speaking to know-that you spent the whole weekend in bed reading books and munching on goodies and were actually...dang happy!?! Blissed out if you will.
5-"Are you flirting with me? (hot guy gives a you've-got-to-be kidding-me-look and you say) Oh, I said dirtin' with me...it's a game I play (and then quickly flee)
...doing the following things
6- Taking out a book and a booklight in a movie theatre to read a little more of your lonely girl romance novel before the chick flick movie about guys just not being into you starts. (Did you get that one?)
7-Purposely arriving 30 minutes before a movie starts in order to read aforementioned steamy novel.
8-You roll up to a stop light with "Man of Constant Sorrow" blaring, with heavy bass, from your speakers and pretend that it's not actually you.
9-You sign up for ballroom dancing classes and beg the teacher of the class to find you a partner.
10-You go to a football game with your parents and turn to say something to them only to find that they have moved several seats down and when you yell out, "Why did you move?" Your mom replies, "In case some young man wants to sit next to you." Umm...yeah, there was enough space for 10 young men to sit next to me. I looked like I had horrible B.O. or perhaps people thought I was a leper.
11-"Go on a date" has been on your New Year's Resolution for five years (dead serious, sad, I know)
12-You see a hot guy running at the park and do an extra two miles trying to work up the nerve to even say hello and then...you don't
13- Your Jazzercise teacher tells the class to shake their hips like they did when they were single and you look around and realize that you're the only one that actually IS single (I shook what my mama gave me)!
...the following CDs or movies can still be found proudly displayed in your home or the following songs may be heard playing on your stereo
14 - The Little Mermaid soundtrack (because secretly you want to be part of her world. the world where even a gal who is half-fish can marry a prince)
15- The movie Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat (staring Donny Osmond), because at one (low)point in your life, you actually had a crush on the guy who is old enough to have fathered you))
16- Parents Just Don't Understand (Will Smith) - sometimes parents just don't understand and you need Will Smith to sing along with you as you tell them.
17-Somebody to Love (Queen) - this song by itself, not bad, combine it with singing into a hairbrush while staring at the mirror and literally begging that anyone who happens to overhear you, as you screech the song at top of your lungs, find you somebody to love...yeahhh, that's a little pathetic.
Oh, by the way, song of the day: Somebody to Love (Queen)
1 - "He's the coolest cat of the cool cats" (someone actually said this...it was followed by several seconds of absolute silence)
2-"Reality Steve said (insert anything that Reality Steve may have said about the Bachelor here)"
3-"The movie doesn't start for several minutes? That's fine, I have a book in my purse."
4-"I spent the entire weekend in bed" (this phrase alone is not something that's pathetic unless you know -and the people you're speaking to know-that you spent the whole weekend in bed reading books and munching on goodies and were actually...dang happy!?! Blissed out if you will.
5-"Are you flirting with me? (hot guy gives a you've-got-to-be kidding-me-look and you say) Oh, I said dirtin' with me...it's a game I play (and then quickly flee)
...doing the following things
6- Taking out a book and a booklight in a movie theatre to read a little more of your lonely girl romance novel before the chick flick movie about guys just not being into you starts. (Did you get that one?)
7-Purposely arriving 30 minutes before a movie starts in order to read aforementioned steamy novel.
8-You roll up to a stop light with "Man of Constant Sorrow" blaring, with heavy bass, from your speakers and pretend that it's not actually you.
9-You sign up for ballroom dancing classes and beg the teacher of the class to find you a partner.
10-You go to a football game with your parents and turn to say something to them only to find that they have moved several seats down and when you yell out, "Why did you move?" Your mom replies, "In case some young man wants to sit next to you." Umm...yeah, there was enough space for 10 young men to sit next to me. I looked like I had horrible B.O. or perhaps people thought I was a leper.
11-"Go on a date" has been on your New Year's Resolution for five years (dead serious, sad, I know)
12-You see a hot guy running at the park and do an extra two miles trying to work up the nerve to even say hello and then...you don't
13- Your Jazzercise teacher tells the class to shake their hips like they did when they were single and you look around and realize that you're the only one that actually IS single (I shook what my mama gave me)!
...the following CDs or movies can still be found proudly displayed in your home or the following songs may be heard playing on your stereo
14 - The Little Mermaid soundtrack (because secretly you want to be part of her world. the world where even a gal who is half-fish can marry a prince)
15- The movie Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat (staring Donny Osmond), because at one (low)point in your life, you actually had a crush on the guy who is old enough to have fathered you))
16- Parents Just Don't Understand (Will Smith) - sometimes parents just don't understand and you need Will Smith to sing along with you as you tell them.
17-Somebody to Love (Queen) - this song by itself, not bad, combine it with singing into a hairbrush while staring at the mirror and literally begging that anyone who happens to overhear you, as you screech the song at top of your lungs, find you somebody to love...yeahhh, that's a little pathetic.
Oh, by the way, song of the day: Somebody to Love (Queen)
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